🟣 Sweating like a lesbian at an incel party

It’s 2016

Student loan just dropped in the bank and looking flirty

As was the 50% off Europe interrail ticket that summer - which me and my best mate Cass OBVIOUSLY took advantage of…

£5/day budget??? Easy mate.

So we set off filled with 50% naivety, 25% delusion and 25% Cass’ ear infection that developed the day before

That 25% delusion replaced with anxiety when floods blocked train lines in France

And the 50% naivety formulating into sheer “what the fuck have we done” by the time we stayed in some bloke’s 2 bed apartment in Milan with 4 other women in Milan that was giving

✨you might be trafficked✨

But we pushed through and sanctuary found us a week in when we landed in Venice

£6.50 a night campsite with a lil 3-man pod and stunning surrounding. A moment to catch our fucking breath.

For a total of 2.7 minutes

2 beds erect on the floor. One cardboard flap hanging off the wall with a mattress on top.

Yeah - like shit that will take any weight. We’ll chill on the beds, thanks.

Until contestant number 3 entered…

Nancy.

Before she even sat down she shared her life’s tale of how she divorced 6 partners and her kids no longer spoke with her (never shared her actual name, mind)

But Nancy took one look at the cardboard flap and shared the view of “like fuck”

And being that she was 50+ years my senior, I took one for the team.

Hopping up like a vulnerable salmon, the bed of course gave out.

So of course the only solution was to pop the mattress on the floor for the night.

Brill.

Even more brill when Nancy threw her bag onto the bed and that collapsed, too.

Solution?

Nancy’s bed frame against the wall and her mattress, too, on the floor.

You know - to form a double bed.

(And no - this isn’t where I realised I was “for the girls”, before you ask. This is not where we’re heading with this tale)

A curious situation only becoming more curious when bedtime arrived

For context - it was 30 degrees+. No aircon. A complete hot box.

So why on earth was Nancy heading to sleep cladding head to toe in fucking denim???

I found out at 3am that this denim was a mere facade

A cough and a stir woke me but it was dark and not much to be seen

But the darkness does not hide what you can feel

And in her stir her sweaty

Bare,

Raw

Nude

Boob

SLAPPED

Right on my fucking shoulder

My night vision flicked on like a damn bat to see Nancy in ALL her glory

And slid that tit off like I was in the curling championship, yeeting out of bed to hit a 10k run for a Venician sunrise

(A silver lining, sure. Not entirely sure I’d say it was for the best still)

Anyway,

Thanks all y’all that have supported me to make it so I can afford my own room these day. I appreciate the tits off you

(sweaty and all xo)

But if you want to join my training app to prepare you for any of life’s weird and wonderful happenings:

JOIN MY TRAINING APP 😂

Big love

Rachel