🟣 This nearly broke me

Good evening my pesky little peckers

Some of you might have seen that I took a week off the norm to listen to some heavy jams and shit into a bucket for a weekend a few weeks back

And my God. It was one of the best weekends of my life. (Bucket adventures and all xo)

But a few years back a weekend like this would have filled me with dread.

I don’t chat about this much but I have pretty severe anxiety and have had panic attacks since I was 6.

Silly little buggers.

They just LOVE to come and say hello when I feel out of control. Specifically, out of control of my body.

I hate vomiting. That’s my biggest trigger.

And that used to cripple other aspects of life where I would worry I would be sick in a environment I couldn’t control.

Being in big crowds where I felt trapped should a panic attack come on.

Modes of transport I couldn’t leave - like planes, boats, trains should that arse-chest-and-head clenching fear fanny punch me.

But a fuck tonne of internal work has meant this has much less of a hold on me now.

And weekends like the music festival just gone really show me how far I’ve come.

100,000s of people. No space to be just you. My main vice (training), not really an option.

I would never have dreamt of doing something like this because I was a slave to my brain’s dirty little traps

But there I was. Fucking headbanging to Korn. Crocs on. Right in the Mosh.

I won’t lie to you - I still had had 1-2 moments of anxiety which required alone-tent time. Moments where I said “I can’t do this, what’s my escape route home”

But that’s something I’ve discovered along the way. My anxiety & and panic attacks may never leave. But that’s okay. It’s how I react and live my life anyway that shapes the fucking life I have.

Which is why I’ve always carried the mantra of “do it scared” with every damn thing I do.

Because it’s the only way I’ve ever done anything.

And every damn time it’s been hard as hell. But I’ve done it.

I see you putting off the gym out of fear of doing it wrong or feeling out of place.

I see you putting off starting your nutrition pursuit as you’re convincing yourself you’re going to fail.

Because you’re waiting for the moment it’ll feel easy

The moment you’ll feel confident enough or it won’t feel scary anymore

But the moments where it feels easier? Where you feel more confident?

That’s on the other side of the work you’re avoiding (Rude. I know)

So let’s whip up a bit of “fuck you” energy and aim to start it scared.

And should you wish me to hold your hand to get started wiggling in the gym? The link to join my training app is below.

Here you can research every move and have a program designed to take you through every step of feeling like a sassy lil nugget when you’re hitting the gym floor.

You’ve bloody got this.

Big love

Rachel

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